Finding Mom Friends

It’s legit like dating. I have read so many articles that pop up on facebook about finding Mom friends or even friends in general once you are in a new place. (It’s much harder the older we get.)

I’d say it was a good week for me in the “Mom dating world”. Earlier this week I was invited to a Mom’s Night with other moms from L’s school which was so nice! I was able to meet new moms and get a feel for the area! And even with the weather being so much nicer I’m meeting moms and families during drop off and pick up!

I also was able to check out a new park with H, thanks to an invite from Brittany! (Hi!!) We have been chatting over Insta and knew we both lived in the same area and it would be fun to meet up with the kiddos! Even though I was only able to visit a little bit before having to run, I had a wonderful time meeting another kick ass mom and I look forward to many more park days!

I also have my girls back in Columbus! We speak regularly through text, calls, or FaceTime. Thank God for the awesome technology we have today!

I’m so thankful for all of my friends, with kids or without! It doesn’t matter! I have a wonderful support system and people I know who will be by my side all the time as I am for them.

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Hey there Spring! You finally decided to show up!

Yesterday we were outside with our bubble mowers, mowing grass and snow! Today we had lunch outside, walked to and from school, and we will walk to the grocery store after nap!

The boys are loving the weather! Before nap, L planned our afternoon and it was all outside!

Currently, I’m outside writing this hoping to get a jump start on my summer tan!

Speaking of, what sunscreen do you and your kiddos use? We have been using Think Baby sunscreen for the past few years!

1 on 1 and 2 on 1

Once H was born I knew we had to make sure to take time to spend 1 on 1 or 2 on 1 time with L. (And now H too since he’s older!)

I know that the younger one does need more attention at this point in his life and L is a wonderful big brother. At times I can see him looking for some more attention and sometimes that comes out in acting out.

I was doing good taking L out to do special things before the move, but the move and house hunting has been a huge thing and I know I’ve not done my best lately getting each boy their own time with me.

This week I was able to take L for froyo which he loved! Today Matt and I are taking him to see a children’s theater production and I think he will love that!

I’m hoping in the upcoming weeks when it’s nice I can walk to get L from school and we can walk to lunch! (Living in a walkable city is a whole new adventure and we are LOVING IT!)

I know I’m far from perfect. I just am doing my best to raise two gentleman and I want to make sure they both know how loved they are, and they are loved by so many.

What are some things you do with your kids that are 1 on 1 or 2 on 1?

I can’t! I can’t!

Anyone else have a toddler who just jumps right to “I can’t” and whining rather than actually trying first? This is a new thing for us and I don’t know what to do!! He will whine and whine and then all of a sudden do whatever he was trying to do and be fine.

Needless to say this morning was a ROUGH one. I keep telling him to try and try and then calmly ask for help!

Anyone have suggestions??? This mama needs them!

Tell me about you!

Hey there! Thank you for the support! I think it’s time for me to learn a little about you! Feel free to leave a comment or send me a message through social media!

I don’t get to see who my readers are I only know what country you are from! Thank you Lauren for representing Germany!

I’d love to get to know about YOU! My readers! Where are you from? How did you find my blog? Tell me 3 things about yourself. And let me know if there is anything in particular you would like me to blog about!

Welcome again to “The Queen of the Brotherhood”. Now I’m going to go find the shovel that one of the boys buried under the 20 inches of snow that we have so we are ready for when the additional 3-5 inches make their appearance tomorrow!

How to help a loved one going through a miscarriage.

I think this is a good follow up to my previous post.

I heard many things from many people after experiencing my miscarriages. “At least you know you can get pregnant.” “You already have one.” “You can try again.” “Maybe there is something wrong with you.” “God has a plan.” “Everything happens for a reason.” All of these things were said to be helpful. I truly appreciated all of the love and support and I know the people who said these things were trying to help.

I also found that many people were more sympathetic rather than empathetic. A friend who also experienced a miscarriage and I had a deep discussion about this and she sent me this video. Empathy vs Sympathy

From my own experience, I have found that just lending an ear was helpful. I had friends that told me how I was feeling was ok. I was angry and sad. I was confused. But I felt so much love and compassion from those around me.

Allow your friend or family member to grieve. They lost their baby. Bring them food and just be with them. Be their shoulder. Give them hugs.

Matt and I knew we wanted to do something special for our babies. We wanted to plant a tree for each baby but we were renting a townhouse at the time of both we decided to donate to a local conservatory and our babies names (yes we named our babies) are on The Tree of Life and they will be there forever. We have pictures with the tree as well as our friends who came with us for the dedications and who have gone back to visit our babies. We also adopted Remy after the second miscarriage. I needed a distraction. He needed a family.

Every person will grieve in their own way; and that is ok. The mother will not be the only one grieving. The partner, the grandparents, as well as others who are apart of that babies life will also be grieving. Just be there for them. They just lost a baby.

Miscarriage

I’ve tossed and turned trying to figure out how to start this post. This is a topic that isn’t discussed enough and makes many people uncomfortable. Miscarriage also makes people feel like a statistic. Miscarriage makes people feel shameful. I’m going to tell you my story in hopes that it helps someone. I know my story has helped a few already and in return is helping me heal.

When I was young, I never thought a miscarriage or any issues during pregnancy would ever happen to me! I remember filling out papers at the doctor and it would say number of pregnancies and number or children. I was SO confused! What a silly question! Well, now that question is one of the hardest questions to answer.

Here’s my story: we felt it was time to add to our family after L was a certain age. I became pregnant quickly and all was great. I had a few appointments and the baby was perfect. Around 10 weeks I had spotting and went to the doctor. Everything was fine. A few days past and I knew something was wrong. I went to the doctors right away. Then I heard the words I feared but also knew were coming…”I’m so sorry, there is no longer a heartbeat.”. I was given 3 options for my “spontaneous abortion”. After speaking with my husband (who was right there with me as soon as he could be) I chose to have a d&c a few days later. Over the weekend the baby passed naturally. My girlfriends were so loving and caring. They took L so Matt and I could be together and just try to figure out what was going on. This was so difficult. What did I do? Did I cause this? We already had so many plans for this baby! We were told the statistics and how unusual it was after seeing/hearing a heartbeat to miscarry.

As time went by, we decided to try again. We read so many articles and had midnight googling sessions about successful pregnancies after miscarriages. The rate of losing another baby was super low. We were mentally ready.

Just like last time, I quickly became pregnant. We were excited but nervous. My doctor had me come in right away and I had many checkups from 5 weeks. It helped ease my mind! Baby had a strong heartbeat! All was great! I had some spotting but again all was ok…I was about 12 weeks pregnant. I took L to visit my parents 8 hours away and left Matt home to work and hang with Zoey.

During the week I had spotting and called the nurses line multiple times a day. I finally decided to go to the local hospital since something just wasn’t right. I had some test taken and an ultrasound done. The tech was young and new. She started to tear up. I knew already this baby was no longer with me. I heard the words again…”no heartbeat”. Matt left work and drove to meet us at my parents. We stayed the night and were going to drive back to Columbus in the morning.

I figured we could make it back to Columbus to see my doctor since I had a few days before the baby passed the last time. I was so wrong. I began to bleed very heavily. We stopped at a rest stop and I thought I could make it. Sadly, I passed the baby there but the bleeding was so bad I had to go to a local hospital in the middle of nowhere PA.

Matt drove quickly to a little 12 room hospital where I was told I had to have an emergency d&c or I might hemorrhage and/or die. My little family sat at this hospital for hours while I had surgery.

How did I lose two babies? Why did my body do this? We wanted those babies so much. We loved them. They were ours and we were theirs. Sadly, we will never know exactly why I lost them. There were no major issues and we didn’t have testing done.

After some time we decided to try one more time. I was scared. We were scared. Today my Rainbow Baby is almost 16 months old. So I have 2 living children and 2 Angel babies.

I know many people do not discuss miscarriage. I am so thankful for the support of my family and friends. Without my friends, I don’t know how I would have gotten through these miscarriages. My husband was amazing but he was also grieving in his way. My girlfriends and their kiddos made sure I was keeping busy. They listened to me talk about my miscarriages (many times) and they were shoulders. They showed such incredible empathy while all were learning and going through this motherhood thing all together.

My family was also very supportive and loving.

My goal with sharing my story is to help others who may have had miscarriages or who have family or friends who have. It’s a hard topic to discuss and it’s even harder to talk to a person who is going through a miscarriage if you have never experienced one. Talking about my horrible experiences is helping me heal. I think about my babies every day. They have names. They will forever be with us. As I said before, they are ours and we are theirs.

Minnesota Spring

Well, today we sat outside at a Starbucks and had a treat outside in 45 degree weather. We are going to will Spring to come! Tomorrow we are supposed to hit 50, and then it’s going to get rainy and cold and then that rain is going to turn into multiple inches of snow…again.

I hear the summers here are gorgeous! I’m looking forward to exploring all that Minnesota has to offer with my little guys!

Anyone have any good recommendations? Day trips? Parks? Which lakes to hit up? Let me know!

Update on the Weekend!

Wow! How is it Sunday morning already?

I landed in Philly and the fun started immediately. We quickly got ready for the night and enjoyed some of the best espresso martinis I’ve ever had! (Thanks Karch!) We visited with some friends and made our way to South Philly for the benefit. We were there to support Jefferson Hospital cancer patients and their families. It was a lovely event and we were surrounded by amazing nurses and doctors and cancer survivors. After the event, we went out for another drink (the uber driver to the bar had on news radio…) and then headed back to Fran and Karch’s beautiful home.

We started Saturday off by heading to brunch and then my dad picked me up and we headed to the Poconos.

I was so happy to visit with my siblings and friends! We hung out and played some jackbox.tv games (by the you don’t know jack people).

Then Saturday night was time to celebrate my mom! The party was wonderful!

I sit here now with coffee and two dogs. Planning out the day my mom and I will have! Sounds like we will shop and nap! Haha!

Missing my boys tremendously but grateful for the time I’m getting to spend here too.

Time to down some coffee and snuggle with puppies. I’ll be back with more updates on the weekend soon!