I think this is a good follow up to my previous post.
I heard many things from many people after experiencing my miscarriages. “At least you know you can get pregnant.” “You already have one.” “You can try again.” “Maybe there is something wrong with you.” “God has a plan.” “Everything happens for a reason.” All of these things were said to be helpful. I truly appreciated all of the love and support and I know the people who said these things were trying to help.
I also found that many people were more sympathetic rather than empathetic. A friend who also experienced a miscarriage and I had a deep discussion about this and she sent me this video. Empathy vs Sympathy
From my own experience, I have found that just lending an ear was helpful. I had friends that told me how I was feeling was ok. I was angry and sad. I was confused. But I felt so much love and compassion from those around me.
Allow your friend or family member to grieve. They lost their baby. Bring them food and just be with them. Be their shoulder. Give them hugs.
Matt and I knew we wanted to do something special for our babies. We wanted to plant a tree for each baby but we were renting a townhouse at the time of both we decided to donate to a local conservatory and our babies names (yes we named our babies) are on The Tree of Life and they will be there forever. We have pictures with the tree as well as our friends who came with us for the dedications and who have gone back to visit our babies. We also adopted Remy after the second miscarriage. I needed a distraction. He needed a family.
Every person will grieve in their own way; and that is ok. The mother will not be the only one grieving. The partner, the grandparents, as well as others who are apart of that babies life will also be grieving. Just be there for them. They just lost a baby.