I think this is appropriate to share again today. Today is Miscarriage, Still Birth, and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. You or someone you know may be experiencing loss. Someone might not be ready to talk about their loss, others may be looking for someone to talk to. Let’s break the stigma. Let’s “replace silence with storytelling” (@ihadamiscarriage) Always remember, they are yours and you are theirs. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about our two Angel Babies, Harper and Ava. I am so thankful for the love and support of our family and friends over the last three years, but I am still grieving and I probably always will be…having the conversations though, that is helping me heal.
I heard many things from many people after experiencing my miscarriages. “At least you know you can get pregnant.” “You already have one.” “You can try again.” “Maybe there is something wrong with you.” “God has a plan.” “Everything happens for a reason.” All of these things were said to be helpful. I truly appreciated all of the love and support and I know the people who said these things were trying to help.
I also found that many people were more sympathetic rather than empathetic. A friend who also experienced a miscarriage and I had a deep discussion about this and she sent me this video. Empathy vs Sympathy
From my own experience, I have found that just lending an ear was helpful. I had friends that told me how I was feeling was ok. I was angry and sad. I was confused. But I felt so much love and compassion from those around me.
Allow your friend or family member to grieve. They lost their baby. Bring them food and just be with them. Be their shoulder. Give them hugs.
Matt and I knew we wanted to do something special for our babies. We wanted to plant a tree for each baby but we were renting a townhouse at the time of both we decided to donate to a local conservatory and our babies names (yes we named our babies) are on The Tree of Life and they will be there forever. We have pictures with the tree as well as our friends who came with us for the dedications and who have gone back to visit our babies. We also adopted Remy after the second miscarriage. I needed a distraction. He needed a family.
Every person will grieve in their own way; and that is ok. The mother will not be the only one grieving. The partner, the grandparents, as well as others who are apart of that babies life will also be grieving. Just be there for them. They just lost a baby.